One of the most common traps I see in my work with clients who struggle with anxiety and OCD is the “readiness” trap—the belief that they must feel ready before making a change.

It’s tempting, right? To wait until the anxiety has lessened. To wait until we feel braver, more confident, calmer. Then we’ll take the leap, have the difficult conversation, go to the crowded store, resist the compulsion, or face the fear. But here’s the truth: if you wait until you feel ready, you might be waiting forever.

This mindset keeps people stuck. For example, a client with contamination fears may say, “I’ll do that exposure once I’m feeling better.” But that day doesn’t come. Why? Because the anxiety doesn’t magically go away on its own. In fact, waiting can reinforce the belief that the fear is dangerous—and that avoidance is the answer.

You Don’t Need to Feel Ready—You Need to Start

In anxiety and OCD treatment, we don’t wait for readiness. Instead, we take action now—not because it feels easy or comfortable, but because our future self deserves the freedom that comes from doing that work.

Of course, we don’t throw people into the deep end without a plan. Anxiety and OCD can feel like a huge mountain to climb in the beginning, and we have to prepare for the journey. Starting with too big of a step too soon can be overwhelming and limit progress.

Instead, we use a tool called an exposure hierarchy. We work collaboratively to create a list of feared situations or triggers and rate them on a scale from 1 to 10. A “4” might be something only mildly distressing, while a “10” is something that feels nearly impossible in the beginning (until it’s not). We take these exposures step-by-step, progressing at a sustainable pace, while removing safety behaviors and compulsions.

Why It Works: Habituation and Inhibitory Learning

Doing exposures while feeling anxious is not a failure—it’s actually the entire point, and a sign that you are doing something right. When you experience elevated anxiety but choose to stay in the situation and resist old patterns (like avoidance, reassurance seeking, rumination, or other compulsions), powerful learning takes place.

This is where habituation and inhibitory learning come in:

Habituation is the natural process where anxiety decreases over time simply by staying in a feared situation without escape or avoidance. The more often your brain sees that nothing dangerous happens, the better your brain gets at ignoring false alarms that cause anxiety.

Inhibitory learning is the process of learning something new that overrides the old fear association. For example, if you touch a doorknob and don’t get sick, your brain starts to associate doorknobs not with danger, but with more neutrality.

These forms of learning are most powerful when anxiety is present. That’s when new neural connections form that rewire the brain.

A New Set of Questions

So if “Do I feel ready?” is the wrong question, what should you ask instead?

Try these:

Do I feel willing?

Can I let my values—not my fear—guide my next step?

Do I want to live a bigger, braver life?

You don’t need to wait for fear to leave the room before you start moving forward. In fact, the most meaningful growth often happens with fear sitting right beside you.

So scratch “feeling ready” off your to-do list.

Let’s focus instead on being willing, purposeful, and brave—one step at a time.

Barb Shepard is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and OCD and Anxiety Specialist in Syracuse, New York.

Interested in learning more about OCD and anxiety treatment? No spam, just a good old fashioned monthly blog.

Please note that any content on my website or blog is a not substitute for therapy and is for educational purposes only. I cannot provide tailored therapeutic advice unless you are a therapy client. Reading this blog or listening to audio content does not constitute a therapeutic relationship. If you are seeking therapy, visit psychologytoday.com. If you are in crisis, dial 911 or visit your local emergency room.