It’s impossible to tell just by looking at someone if they’re struggling with postpartum anxiety (PPA). When healthcare providers screen new moms for postpartum anxiety, it’s often the ones suffering the most who speak up the least. Why? A major reason is shame.

Many moms dealing with PPA value their autonomy, self-reliance, and often exhibit perfectionism. These qualities may have served them well throughout their lives, allowing them to succeed through intellect, planning, and organization. But when those same tools fall short in the face of motherhood, it can be terrifying.

Imagine using your strongest qualities—being prepared, organized, and in control—to manage most aspects of life. Now, suddenly, motherhood doesn’t respond to these efforts in the same way. When these strategies don’t yield the same results in caring for a newborn, feelings of fear and failure emerge. Many moms may start to internalize their struggles, believing they’re personally at fault for not being able to handle it all.

Common Symptoms of Postpartum Anxiety

Most, if not all, new moms experience some form of the following symptoms in the newborn phase:

Romanticizing their old life – missing the freedom and independence they once had.

Intrusive thoughts – egodystonic thoughts about intentionally harming the baby, or fears of accidental harm.

Identity crisis – grappling with the immense change of becoming a mother.

Physical, emotional, and mental toll – sleep deprivation and fluctuating hormones can make everything feel harder.

Even though we know these challenges are normal, many moms with PPA take them to heart, feeling as though something is deeply wrong with them. Because of their strong internal locus of control, they may feel responsible for their suffering, assuming it’s a personal failure.

How Can We Help Moms with PPA?

Normalize the struggles: Create a safe space by providing a list of common issues that moms face after childbirth. This removes the pressure for moms to admit their challenges first, allowing them to feel understood.

Talk about intrusive thoughts: It’s crucial to address intrusive thoughts—especially egodystonic thoughts (those unwanted, distressing thoughts about harming the baby)—and assure moms they are common with PPA or postpartum OCD (PPOCD). Highlight that these thoughts don’t make them bad mothers.

Keep asking: Moms may need time before they feel safe enough to share their struggles. Asking multiple times, in different ways, can help.

You’re Not Alone

If you’re struggling with PPA or PPOCD, know that you’re not alone. Reach out for help, and don’t hesitate to seek the support you deserve.

For more resources, visit my website (link in bio) or contact the Postpartum Support Crisis Line at 1-800-944-4773.

To explore resources available for postpartum anxiety and postpartum OCD, click below:

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Barb Shepard is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, OCD and Anxiety Specialist, and Sober Curious advocate in Syracuse, New York. Any content on my website or blog is a not substitute for therapy and is for educational purposes only. I cannot provide tailored therapeutic advice unless you are a therapy client. Reading this blog or listening to audio content does not constitute a therapeutic relationship. If you are seeking therapy, visit psychologytoday.com. If you are in crisis, dial 911 or visit your local emergency room.